I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
