Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize