something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
