apparently the secret to your success is patron
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
