I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
