If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
3 2 1 whiskey
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
