Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
