I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just cropdusted the office
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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