Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
