She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
