So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
