so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
