Tell her she can't have a vagina
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
