i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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