true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
