i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I AM VODKA MAN
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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