What a fucking waste of an outfit
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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