no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
