i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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