Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
