So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Send help, water and tortillas.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
