my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
