Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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