i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
