Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
