nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
