This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize