you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
