No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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