you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
