Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
