just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
