i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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