Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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