If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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