you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
