Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
