he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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