I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
