Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
honey bunches of taint.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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