I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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