He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize