Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
