I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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