I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
