Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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