I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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