Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
