just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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