Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
