She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
