I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
