I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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