im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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