Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
