Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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