so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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