it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
