If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
