I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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