to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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