I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
