Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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