The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
