I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
