At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
