Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
