sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was like his penis was on wheels.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
