so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There r osticjed everywhere
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
