I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is classic penis vs brain.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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