absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
