I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think people are normalizing furries
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
