My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize