I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
