And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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