I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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