I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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