last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
