There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
