we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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