i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
