I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
