one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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