i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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