He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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