he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
