if you like me you must not know who I am
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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