he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
