dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
