Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
