he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize