He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Someone signed my nipple.
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