ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
