dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
