Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
