Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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