Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
