Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
